Sync and corrections by explosiveskull resync by GoldenBeard www.addic7ed.com
Hey, Gus.
I saw your Instagram and I figured you might come here, so I...
I'm, um... I just wanted to say...
- Jesus, Mickey, come on... - Just, I just want to apologize to you
'cause I know I fucked everything up and I'm really sorry,
and I haven't been honest with you.
There's a lot of stuff that I didn't tell you about myself, um...
I'm an addict.
I'm, uh... I'm a drug addict and I'm an alcoholic
and I'm a sex and love addict and I...
I think I need to just be by myself for maybe, like, a year
and try and figure this shit out, but I wanted to say that I'm sorry to you
because you were a great guy and I really had such a good time with you
and maybe in a year,
if you're willing,
I would love to get maybe a coffee with you and...
- No! - What?
No, dude, I just told you that I wanted to be alone.
Sorry. I just...
Sorry. I don't know.
I think that guy wants you to move.
I think you're blocking him in or something.
Fine! I'm moving it. Calm down.
- You fucking... - Mickey!
- What?
Wait, wait.
Dude! Relax!
Can we talk about this?
Can we just go somewhere and talk about this?
Just get in the car!
- Oh, shit! Stop. - What?
- I forgot my snacks.
- Just leave 'em! - I spent like $30...
- Oh, my God, hurry up! - Okay, I'll be right back.
Forgot my snacks. Just...
Hey, you moron, there's another exit right there,
why don't you just go?
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!
- You want a snack? - No.
You like Twix?
Um, also got, uh, some Sour Patch Kids, some...
Got one of these...
kind of weird ice cream sandwich things.
Why do you have so many snacks?
Did, like, a fifth-grade class invite you over for their slumber party?
No. I guess... I guess I'm just eating my feelings.
That's too many feelings, dude.
I'd take a Sour Patch Kid.
Okay.
All righty, cool.
So, um, you wanna talk about the stuff you were telling me?
What stuff?
You know, like...
what you're going through, you know,
being an addict and everything like that.
I don't know. I feel like I told you what I wanted to say.
I thought you wanted to tell me something.
No, I just... Yeah, I mean, I guess I just figured since...
I kissed you, like, right after you told me,
I didn't really give you an opportunity to... unpack it.
So... just letting you know, uh, I'm here to listen.
What are you doing? Are you hitting on me? Don't.
No.
I don't know what you expect. I don't want to have sex.
Yeah, I... I don't wanna have sex either. I guess I just...
So you don't wanna talk about this?
I told you that I wanted to be alone. What else is there to say?
Right. Okay.
Sorry, I don't mean to be a bitch. I just want this day to be over.
- I wanna put on my house pants. - Okay. Well...
I'll get out of here then. You know, just call an Uber to pick me up.
- Perfect. - Okay.
Yes. Okay.
- Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! - Oh!
- Hey! - Huh?
- I'm freaking out! - Do you hear that?
Is that...
That is Bertie having sex.
- Yeah! Yeah! - Okay.
She's really going at it.
This is so weird. When I picked her as a roommate,
I specifically thought that I would never have to hear her having sex.
That's one of the reasons I picked her.
- Yes! - Who's she with?
What's his name? He's your friend, um...
- My friend? - What's his name? Randy.
My Randy?
Yeah. You don't know about this?
I mean, I saw them talking at my party and he...
I mean, he's a cool guy. I get it, but...
- Too fast. Okay. - Shut... shut up.
- Yes. - Is he okay?
I don't think so.
- Yeah, I don't... I don't wanna hear this. - Mnh-mnh.
I shouldn't know what my friend sounds like when he's having sex.
I'd rather hear him screaming while he burned in a fire.
I'll be right back. Just get some water.
Oh, shit! Uh, hey.
- Hi. - Hey.
Uh, I... I didn't know you were here.
- Oh. - Oh, you... you were here?
Uh, yeah, I was just back in my room listening to, uh... um, a TED Talk.
TED Talk. Cool. Very cool.
- Yeah, it was about city infrastructure. - Ooh.
I love TED Talks.
It sounds like a good one.
- Yeah. - Okay. That's great. So, I'm gonna...
go back to my room then, 'cause, you know...
- Yeah. - Bertie? You got a beer?
- Whoa! Oh, hey, Gus. - Hey.
- Hey, Randy.
- Hey. - Mickey.
- Mickey. Hey. - Yeah.
Sorry to surprise you here. We didn't...
- We didn't mean to... - Oh, it's cool.
Okay.
What are you, uh...
Phew!
Sorry.
- I'm just super out of breath. Uh... - Oh. It's okay.
How long have you guys been here?
They just got home, and they didn't know we were here.
Okay. Right. Right.
- Yeah. Yeah. - Right. We were, uh...
- We were moving around some furniture... - Shush. No. No.
Uh...
We were having sex.
- It's fine. - Oh, it's okay.
I know I can get pretty loud,
and, uh, I think that's because I have such a hard time
expressing my emotions in real life,
so then, uh, when I'm making love, I just really let it all out,
like, screaming and stuff.
- That's cool. - Yeah.
Right on. Let it fly. Uh, no judgments here. No.
- Yeah. - That's why I'm out of breath.
You know what? Are you hungry? Let's get some food.
Yeah. I'm gonna... We're gonna get some food.
- Okay. - All right. Hey.
Whoa.
- Whoops. - Oh, I'm sorry.
- No, that's okay. - So sorry.
Jesus! I never wanted this night to go on this long.
I just wanted to tell you my deal and then just go home.
Your deal with, um, Sex Anonymous?
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. SLAA. Yeah.
So what's the deal with that? Is it like a...
a rule of theirs that you can't have sex for a year, or...
You're not not allowed to do anything. It's not a cult.
Right. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's more about learning how to not pig out on sex and love and relationships.
Right. It's like the Atkins Diet but instead of carbs, it's sex.
This is actually serious.
No. I know and I was not trying to make fun of it.
It was like a point of comparison, of...
Yeah. I don't know.
I just feel like, for me,
I just need to take a year off and get my head on straight.
That's good. That's cool. Good for you.
Thank you.
And, you know, just so... you know, for the record or whatever...
I know I was being a dick there,
like when you showed up at my party and...
on the lot that day and the whole Heidi thing.
Yeah. The whole Heidi thing. That was a trip.
Which is over, by the way. It's, like, done.
- None of my business. - Right. Right.
Honestly, I'm just not that equipped to deal with a situation where I'm...
juggling women or whatever, you know. I'm not Warren Beatty.
Not even Ned Beatty.
I guess I was worried that if after we had sex,
I started texting you or calling you, you would just be like,
"Who is this fucking dork?"
Dude, you took me to the Magic Castle. I already knew you were a dork.
Yeah.
And look, I'm sorry, too.
I'm sorry I showed up at your work and freaked out in front of everybody.
God, I really lost it.
It's really not a big deal.
- You done? - Yes.
- Thank you. - Uh-huh.
- All right. Here you are. - Okay.
- Thank you for the ride. - Yeah. Oh, just...
- as an FYI... - Mmm-hmm.
even though I'm taking a year off dating,
I still wanna be friends.
- Oh, yeah. Totally. Me, too. - Okay.
Okay.
- You okay? You're a little squirmy there. - Yeah. I just really have to pee.
Oh.
Would... Do you wanna come in? Use my restroom?
Um, okay, but then I'm gonna... I'm gonna head out after that.
Oh. Of course. Yes. Definitely.
Okay.
It's weird that you call your bathroom a restroom.
I know!
While I was saying that, I was like, "That's weird."
- Thanks for letting me use your bathroom. - Yeah. You're welcome.
Why do you have this ugly,
giant piece of pasta hanging from your wall?
Ugh, I know. It's awful. It came with the place.
None of this stuff is mine, by the way.
- There's a real reality TV vibe about it. - Hmm.
Like The Real Divorced Dads of Sherman Oaks.
Yeah, or, uh, Home Makeover: Sad Asshole Edition.
What is this thing you're always carrying?
Oh, my cell phone-wallet thing?
You're just gonna dig through it, is that it? Okay.
- Three singles? Real moneybags, huh? - Mmm-hmm.
I love that you carry this in your wallet.
I don't know. They could make a comeback, right?
In high school, it was my dream to work there,
but I was too intimidated to apply
because all the cool older kids from school worked there.
Mmm. You weren't a cool kid?
I find that hard to believe.
In high school, you would have totally intimidated me.
- No! - Yeah. No doubt.
I was so nice to the losers.
Hmm. Uh-huh.
You know, I wasn't that big of a loser in high school.
Don't want to brag, but I was homecoming king.
- Really? - Mmm-hmm.
I mean, it was a class size of, like, 40 people,
so I didn't have to impress too many folks, but...
yeah, I was homecoming king.
I should go.
Okay. Yeah.
- I'll, uh... see you around. - All right. Yeah. Whatever.
What is going on?
What the fuck is that?
Holy shit.
Maybe we should go inside.
It feels, like, a little dangerous to be out here. You know what I mean?
Jeez, Chris!
- I got you good, man! - You scared me.
Whoo. You scared me there.
- Ah, I had to do that, man. - Ah.
Oh, hey, Mickey, right?
- Hey. - Yeah. Hey.
Mickey, you remember Chris, yeah?
Totally. Yeah, we met the night I couldn't rhyme Carlito's Way.
Oh, that's right. That's a tough word, though.
- It is. It's very tough. Yeah. - Yeah.
Whoo! How crazy is this, huh?
Yeah.
Whoa! God, man,
I feel like I'm in a video game right now.
- Yes. - Yeah.
- Exactly. This is, like, unreal right now. - God, it's so weird...
- What are you two doing? - Oh, we're just hanging out.
- Oh. - I gotta get home.
Okay, folks, you need to go back inside immediately.
Oh, shit.
Um, Officer, sorry, uh,
I don't live here, so could I just go to my car
and I'll just get out of here. One less person you have to worry about.
Springwood is on lockdown. Nobody can leave until further notice.
But see, the thing is, I've got some extenuating circumstances
that necessitate me leaving now.
What part of "go inside" don't you understand?
Go inside now. We'll let you know when it's safe to leave.
Fine. Whatever.
Ugh. What a d-bag.
Hey, Frank, Allan. What's up?
Check out the cop cars. Looks like my ride's here.
That's funny. That's good.
Hey, what the hell's going on here? You guys know?
- You guys don't know? - Unh-unh.
There was a car chase on the freeway
that made its way here into the Springwood.
Then the wacko crashes his car into the rec center
- and takes off running. - Oh, my God.
And now the cops, they're searching the grounds, trying to catch this guy.
- Wow. What are they after him for? - Drug trafficking.
Really? You know that for sure?
No. But I guarantee you it's drug trafficking.
That's why he ran. That's what drug traffickers do. They run.
Or maybe he robbed a convenience store and he's on the run?
Maybe he's got a bunch of parking tickets he hasn't paid for.
Could be a serial killer.
- I like that. - Mmm-hmm.
'Cause he's worried if he gets caught,
they'll be able to tie him to all his unsolved murders.
And who's, uh, Inspector Poirot here?
Oh, this is Mickey. Mickey, Frank, Allan.
Allan, Frank, Mickey. Do you guys wanna go inside?
You know what? Come to our place.
- Come on. - It's safer if we stick together.
If we don't stick together, we die.
No, we don't.
I don't know all the facts, but come on, let's hang out.
Come on. Let's go.
- Is this cool? - Yeah, I mean, safety in numbers.
Oh, I call massage chair.
Hey, the secret of that thing is to use the neck roller
and the vibration mode at the same time.
Hey, whoa, whoa, would you be easy on it, though, right?
I got a date next week, and it needs to be functional.
Guys, I like this place.
- Very, very cool. - Thank you.
Why's yours different than Gus'?
I thought all these places were supposed to be the same.
This is how it was when we first moved in.
Management wanted to redecorate a couple of years ago,
- but we liked it like it was. - That's right.
This is our place and no one's gonna tell us to change it.
Yeah, plus, give it a couple of years.
Southwestern decor is gonna make a big comeback.
You know, that's true. I just read an article.
Every 20 years, trends recycle.
How long do these lockdowns usually last?
Ugh, I don't know. Ten hours?
- Give or take. - Yeah.
- Shit. Really? - Yeah.
Once there was a lockdown
because Allan forgot his duffel bag at the rec center
- and they thought it was a bomb. - Oh, ridiculous. It was October 2001.
So everyone's living in a culture of fear.
Oh, I remember those days, man.
Before that, you could bring a box cutter on a plane,
but then after, it was a whole thing.
Hey, Mickey, I'm sorry.
I feel like I forced you to come out here and now you're stuck.
It's fine, dude. You didn't force me to do anything.
Hey. Let's take this conversation to the conversation pit.
- Hey, look at that now. - Oh, you guys have a telescope.
Maybe I could, like, see a way to my car from here.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Be careful with that, little girl.
You're gonna mess up my equatorial mount.
God, this is, like, so fun.
I'm only seeing buildings, buildings, buildings.
What are you looking for?
I'm looking for my car. I'm trying to find a way to my car.
What parking lot are you in? Do you remember?
I think E. Does that make sense?
- It does. - Okay.
- Can you see E... - You cannot see E from here.
You can see pretty much the other parts of the complex.
What do you wanna do? Get out?
- Yeah. - I can get you out of here.
Hey, so what's, uh... What's going on over here, dude?
- With, like, Mickey? Or... - Yeah.
- You guys, like, hooking up? - No. No.
Actually we're in a bit of a Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin situation right now.
- Huh? - It's complicated.
- Oh. - Oh.
Very nice.
Yeah.
Well, it's not great but, uh... Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, for a number of reasons we're actually trying not to hook up,
so this lockdown is not helping things.
Oh. Got ya.
- The temptation here... - Yeah.
There's a lot of excitement in the air.
A lot of tension. Like, you can feel it.
- Yeah. Yeah. - It's, like, electric. Yeah.
Think about all the people who are fucking tonight.
- Yeah. - Like, nine months from now,
there's gonna be all these Springwood lockdown babies running around.
Hey, guys, what if we took this up on the roof?
And maybe I could find, like, a route to my car.
Yeah, sure, I like that idea. What do you think?
- Yeah. - Hey.
I'm gonna get the BB guns for safety.
- They're in the hobby closet. - I know.
Yeah, that's smart thinking.
I mean, as long as the cops don't think we're some sniper
and try to take us out or anything. Right?
Sounds like this night's just getting started.
Uh, look it, boxes of wine and condoms.
Wow, somebody had a real party up here.
Ugh, you know what, Gus? Forget my car.
- Yeah? - It's hopeless. I've just...
My only shot is to get over the property line
and then call for an Uber.
Okay. Well, yeah, I mean, if you think that'd work, you should go for it.
- I think if I can get to that fence... - Uh-huh.
- and scale it... - Yeah.
and just run through those trees...
No, I can see that. Yes.
Yeah.
- Why? What are you thinking? What's wrong? - All right. I just... I need a smoke.
- I need a smoke. - Okay.
All I can see is a tree. Let me adjust this.
No, I told you, I'll do the adjusting. Come on.
- You need help with that? - Yeah.
There you go.
- I should get out of here. - Yeah.
You sure, with this fucking maniac running around here?
Yeah. 'Cause if I stay, you know, it's gonna be...
Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. I get it.
Well, can I go with you? I think I'd feel a lot better
if I could just get you to the road, to the Uber and stuff.
Like a... covert mission.
- Right. - Yeah.
Like a total covert mission situation.
- That's cool. - Okay.
- Yeah. Hey! - Let's do it.
Guys, I'm gonna make a run for it.
Yeah. I'm gonna help Mickey with her great escape.
I'll tell you what, take the BB gun for protection.
- Oh... - Mmm, no, thank you.
- That's all right. - Then take the flashlight.
But if you do this, you got to do it right.
- If you hold it from the front... - Uh-huh.
it's not only a flashlight.
Bam! It becomes a billy club. Bow. Boom.
- Whoa. Uh... - No, thank you.
I think that'll do more harm than good, but thank you.
- All right. Appreciate it. - Thanks. Bye, guys.
- Take no prisoners. Okay? - All right.
God, it's nights like this I wish I had a remote-control drone.
- Are we clear? - Yeah.
Go to the left. Go to the left.
Hey, what the fuck are you two doing down there? Are you crazy?
Please, can you just be quiet? We're just...
You're gonna get yourselves killed!
Is this what you fucking do?
You just come out on your balcony and yell at people all night?
Is that... That's your fun?
I fucking have a full, rich life, all right? This is part of it.
Great. I don't have time for this. We gotta go.
You assholes! You're gonna get killed!
- Oh, man, this is kind of cool. - Yeah!
- It's got my blood pumping, you know? - Totally!
It's a lot easier than I thought it would be.
You and me should try and pull off a crime sometime.
Yeah, let's rob a bank this weekend.
I think if we go down the storm drain, we'll hit that fence.
- Let's go. - Okay.
Oh, I like this.
Feels like we're in SEAL Team 6 or something.
I just wanna go out and kill Osama bin Laden.
So, uh, you see that road yet?
You wanna call your Uber now, or...
- No. I think we're close, though. - Okay.
Thanks for coming with me on this mission. This was cool.
Yeah. It's fun, right?
So do you think... What?
Do you hear that?
No.
I think somebody's nearby.
Are you fucking with me?
That's not a cool trick to play on somebody like me.
No. Listen.
Fuck.
Is it coming closer?
It sounds like it's coming closer, right?
Fuck. I think it is. This is really scary.
- Fuck. - Straight ahead.
- Oh, fuck, it's the cops. Let's run. - Okay.
No, no, no. Let's stay here. We'll hide and then they'll pass.
- Fuck that. I'm running. - No. Mickey.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. This is stupid!
Run faster! We can lose them.
Fuck.
Oh, shit! Are you okay?
Yeah. I'm okay. Run!
- Run! - Fuck.
- Hey! Hey, you! - There he is.
Stop!
Whoa.
Police! Stop! Stop now!
- Stop! Put your hands up now! - Okay.
- We found our guy. - No. I'm not your guy.
- Shut the fuck up! - Okay. Oh, Jesus.
- Don't move. - I'm not. I'm just...
I'm sorry. I'm not trying to.
It's just when I get nervous, my hands and my arms start to shake. Okay?
- Do you wanna get shot? - No, no, no, no!
I respect the police force! I respect police. My uncle's a cop.
My uncle's a cop! My Uncle Rodger's a cop!
- Where does he work? - He lives in South Dakota.
- You're a liar! - I'm from the Midwest!
Hey! No. He's not the guy you're looking for.
It's okay. Leave him alone.
Mickey, stop. You're not helping, okay.
Gus! Oh, my God. Gus, are you okay?
- I'm innocent. - He is innocent. He is.
He was just trying to help me get out of here.
Fuck.
Oh, God damn.
Here's your ice.
Thank you so much.
I'm sorry I didn't get to the cops faster.
Oh, it's totally cool.
- Sorry we didn't get you out of here. - Well, sure tried.
Yeah.
Yeah, we did.
Oh, man.
I am wiped out.
Dude, can I just crash here?
Yeah.
Cool.
If we were gonna kiss, it would be right now.
Yeah.
But...
Yeah.
Nighty-night.
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull resync by GoldenBeard www.addic7ed.com